China’s South China Sea claim found to be wine stain
BEIJING, China, September 7th 2020 – The origins of China’s claims over the South China Sea have been found to be based on a wine stained map. A historian has confirmed that the original map on which China’s South China Sea claims are justified, was used as a table covering at a regular Chinese Communist Party booze up, leading to red wine being spilled over South East Asia. Apparently communist party officials mistook the red wine stain as part of the map, and presented it to the world as “indisputable historical proof of China’s sovereignty over the South China Sea”.
Whether or not the map is the result of spilled wine or drunk Chinese Communist Party officials, everyone agrees that excessive alcohol consumption was likely involved in it’s creation.
Chinese President Xi, known to be drunk with power after appointing himself leader for life, is apparently furious that party officials were drunk with imported red wine, instead of Baijiu, a clear Chinese alcohol.
China is refusing to officially acknowledge their claims are based on a communist drinking session, and has said they will not rescind their claim “whether stained red with wine, or stained red with blood, the South China Sea is ours! Our claims over the South China Sea pre-date the map in question and are indisputable. We challenge anyone to prove otherwise in a Chinese court of law. This whole wine fiasco is just further proof of intermittence by foreign forces.”
