Beijing, China – Just when you thought that the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) ridiculous claims of sovereignty over far away places couldn’t get any more absurd, they’ve set their sights much higher, quite literally. As part of new posturing, apparently intended to distract China’s population amidst flooding, famine and and an economy in decline, the CCP announced that they have “irrefutable historical sovereignty over the moon”.
In a prepared statement a CCP spokesperson said:
“Why limit China’s sphere of influence to the Earth when there are countless celestial spheres of influence to be had? We feel the moon is a great sphere to add to our collection.
The way we see it, there were really two great ancient civilisations, the Egyptians who were preoccupied worshipping the Sun, and Ancient China, who pioneered the lunar calendar. We were pretty much the only ones using the moon, so of course it’s ours.”
To back up their claim, China has drawn a dashed line around the moon. The nine-dashed-line has worked wonders for China’s claims over the South China Sea, so it stands to reason that it will work for the moon as well.
China’s Minister of Civil Affairs said “With all the natural disasters and economic problems the China is facing, the population has begun to question the CCP’s right to rule, I mean govern. In Ancient China, Emperors claimed legitimacy through the ‘mandate of heaven’; by quite literally bringing the heavens under the regimes control, nobody can question us – we don’t need the mandate of heaven, we are the heavens!”
The US said they will deploy their “Space Force” in Freedom Of Navigation Operations (FONOPS) against China’s celestial ambitions, to which China has has responded by accusing the US of “once again meddling in internal Chinese celestial affairs.”
China has said they will start deploying “research” bases on the moon, accompanied with long range anti-satellite and lunar denial systems, which we’re told are for purely peaceful civilian purposes as China “studies the lunar surface”.
Aside from the US, no other Western governments or companies have dared rebuke the bold move by the CCP, citing how rich they’d be if they could make just one dollar from everyone in China.
It appears most of the world is ready to accept their new celestial overlords.
