Washington D.C., USA. August 21st, 2021 – The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) have approved a lethal dose of cyanide as a 100% effective for COVID19. Trials of cyanide were undertaken on the January 6th “DC riot” detainees, who are responsible for storming the Capitol, with results published in prestigious medical journal “The Gulag”. Someone…
Kabul, Afghanistan. August 14th 2021 – The Taliban’s advance has come to a grinding halt at the gates of Kabul amid rumours of shortages of virgins for their fighters. For two decades, since the USA and allies entered Afghanistan, the Taliban has promised their fighters a generous benefits package in lieu of an actual salary….
Hawaii, USA – Scientists today warned that the whole world will be under water in just five years if we don’t stop driving gas guzzling cars and rush out and buy a Tesla immediately. A spokesperson for the Independent Data-analysts Informing Officials of The Science Alliance, or IDIOTS Alliance for short, explained the research: “We…
Sydney, Australia – The Australian government, faced with the threat of unapproved speech, radical notions of freedom of expression and calls for democracy, will deploy the Army on to the streets of Sydney. The federal government has said they are “saddened that the military’s annual inclusivity rainbow finger-painting exercises had to be brought to a…
Texas, USA. May 10th 2021 – The world’s rich and powerful have confirmed that it is obviously the rest of us and not them who must reduce carbon emissions to save the planet. Hot on the heels of another successful jaunt into space, one excessively rich billionaire explained “we the 1% of wealthiest people in…
Ontario, Canada. April 1st 2021 – The government today announced the launch of the new education program, which will require all children from the age of 4 to attend boarding schools until their 18th birthday, far away form the dangers of parental bias. The new program will be known as Child Freedom through Advanced Research…
Ulaanbaatar, Mongolia. December 15th, 2020 – The landlocked country of Mongolia has signed a deal with the United States to acquire six Ohio-class nuclear submarines. In a strategic move that is either a stroke of genius or sign that military planners have indeed suffered from a stroke, Mongolia intends on deploying the submarines on the…
China’s South China Sea claim found to be wine stain BEIJING, China, September 7th 2020 – The origins of China’s claims over the South China Sea have been found to be based on a wine stained map. A historian has confirmed that the original map on which China’s South China Sea claims are justified, was…
Beijing, China – Just when you thought that the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) ridiculous claims of sovereignty over far away places couldn’t get any more absurd, they’ve set their sights much higher, quite literally. As part of new posturing, apparently intended to distract China’s population amidst flooding, famine and and an economy in decline, the…
SAN FRANCISCO, California – Tech start-up and maker of artificial hearts “beats-for-keeps”, is threatening to terminate service to customers after a switch to a pay-per-beat model. The price increase will see the monthly cost to customers rise from approximately $300 to as much as $3000 per month, leaving many claiming the companies is heartless. A…
