{"id":612,"date":"2021-08-04T00:01:34","date_gmt":"2021-08-04T00:01:34","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/localhost\/?p=612"},"modified":"2021-10-07T08:54:57","modified_gmt":"2021-10-07T08:54:57","slug":"australia-army-to-protect-democracy-from-pro-democracy-movement","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/foxthink.local\/australia-army-to-protect-democracy-from-pro-democracy-movement\/","title":{"rendered":"Australia sends in army to protect democracy from pro-democracy movement"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Sydney, Australia – <\/strong>The Australian government, faced with the threat of unapproved speech, radical notions of freedom of expression and calls for democracy, will deploy the Army on to the streets of Sydney. The federal government has said they are “saddened that the military’s annual inclusivity rainbow finger-painting exercises had to be brought to a premature close in order to assist the New South Wales police, however the rise in what is frankly total disregard for government edicts is a thread to our western liberal democratic values.”<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Prior to deployment, the 300 Australian Defence force personnel who are to be involved in the operation will undergo training on peaceful protest suppression and how to identify weak, elderly and feeble members of protests in operation “flatten the protestor”. The defence force have fully endorsed the governments move to extend the COVID19 eradication policy to include all forms of dissent, in the name of “inclusivity”.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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A New South Wales government spokesperson has said “the use of horses to trample protests has been quite effective, however in the face of these extremist pro-democracy elements, we feel that the use of the militaries Abram tanks will be very effective in quite literally squashing all opposition”<\/em><\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

A police spokesman has said that “we need to follow the science, and what the science is telling us unequivocally is that the virus only spreads under specific conditions related to the political ideology of a given protest. While the Black Lives Matter protests last year were completely harmless and strongly encouraged, these anti-lockdown protests, which are pushing unapproved notions of democracy, freedom of speech and personal choice, are clearly illegal and risk a serious escalation in COVID19 transmission.”<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The military was quick to point out that they will only play a supporting role in preventing protests. “We will support the New South Wales police in any way they need, be that by laying down suppressive fire, picking off the weak, or simply outflanking protestors. Military intelligence has confirmed that the weaker protestors, such as the elderly, the disabled, children and infants, are often placed at the rear of the protest procession, so those should be easy pickings for our heavy machine guns. Given our withdrawal from Afghanistan, it’s great to be able to give the troops the opportunity to shoot unarmed civilians again.”<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The army intends on executing a “catch and execute”<\/em> strategy whereby protestors will be first receive a non-fatal shot to the arm or leg, then brought into custody where police can administer a fatal beating to ensure another successful death in custody. A protestor who had been caught and was awaiting execution said “it could be worse, I could have been stabbed, it’s nice to have gotten our in the open air”.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

As a silver lining for would-be protestors, the Australian military’s protestor fatality rate is well below that of COVID19. “We’ve spent so much time painting rainbows and indoctrinating the troops on the evils of systemic racism, most recruits have never fired a gun, so we’ll be happy if they hit anybody at all. We’re telling the guys to aim for the really fat protestors who are slower and a bigger target to hit, after all the morbidly obese are going to die from COVID anyway, so we’ll clock it up as another pandemic fatality.<\/em> “<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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As part of the army’s “inclusivity” efforts, all personnel will receive a “participation” medal, regardless as to whether they manage to shoot any protestors.<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Sydney, Australia – The Australian government, faced with the threat of unapproved speech, radical notions of freedom of expression and calls for democracy, will deploy the Army on to the streets of Sydney. The federal government has said they are “saddened that the military’s annual inclusivity rainbow finger-painting exercises had to be brought to a…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":614,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"twitterCardType":"","cardImageID":0,"cardImage":"","cardTitle":"","cardDesc":"","cardImageAlt":"","cardPlayer":"","cardPlayerWidth":0,"cardPlayerHeight":0,"cardPlayerStream":"","cardPlayerCodec":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[8,12,25,5,13],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-612","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-australia","category-humour","category-oceania","category-politics","category-satire"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/foxthink.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/612"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/foxthink.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/foxthink.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/foxthink.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/foxthink.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=612"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"http:\/\/foxthink.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/612\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1050,"href":"http:\/\/foxthink.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/612\/revisions\/1050"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/foxthink.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/614"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/foxthink.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=612"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/foxthink.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=612"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/foxthink.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=612"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}