{"id":239,"date":"2020-09-03T14:40:01","date_gmt":"2020-09-03T14:40:01","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/localhost\/?p=239"},"modified":"2021-10-07T08:55:25","modified_gmt":"2021-10-07T08:55:25","slug":"no-economy-means-no-pandemic-economic-damage","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/foxthink.local\/no-economy-means-no-pandemic-economic-damage\/","title":{"rendered":"No economy means no pandemic economic damage"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

WASHINGTON D.C. September 3rd, 2020 – <\/strong>In a bid to save the economy from the perils of COVID-19, Democrat leaders have announced plans to euthanise it – the economy, not the virus. A spokesperson confirmed that they intended on ending all economic activity in the name of saving Americans and American businesses from the virus; “COVID-19 can’t damage the economy if there is no economy left!” <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

When asked who thought up this half-witted policy idea, the spokesperson said “we worked on this together, it’s really the result of our best and brightest. We might not understand this economic mumbo-jumbo, but we’ve watched a few movies between us; we saw one movie where they used a scorched earth strategy to thwart the enemy ,and figured it’s something worth trying with the economy to stop the spread of COVID.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

“We were toying with the idea of literally burning down businesses, but we thought we’d save that for peaceful protestors, and instead just suffocate those businesses that are left standing by extending the lock downs, – to protect Americans from COVID-19 you understand.”<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"
Officials are confident that extended closures will save businesses from COVID-19<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

An economic strategist commented on the sheer brilliance of the economic destruction policy, “once GDP reaches zero, it can only go up. If we go from GDP of 20 trillion to 1 trillion that’s a 95% drop, but if wipe out the economy entirely then an increase from zero to even a million is an infinite gain in GDP. The optics are great, this will really resonate with voters.”<\/em> <\/p>\n\n\n\n

A prominent official commented “we like to think of the economy as being like frozen yeast, I’ve used frozen yeast in my home baking, and you know with a bit of heat and water those little buggers start right back up. I’m sure with a bit of heat, economic regrowth will ensure we’re stronger than ever before!”<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"
Senior officials feel that like frozen yeast, the economy can be thawed and kicked into life.<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

WASHINGTON D.C. September 3rd, 2020 – In a bid to save the economy from the perils of COVID-19, Democrat leaders have announced plans to euthanise it – the economy, not the virus. A spokesperson confirmed that they intended on ending all economic activity in the name of saving Americans and American businesses from the virus;…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":249,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"twitterCardType":"","cardImageID":0,"cardImage":"","cardTitle":"","cardDesc":"","cardImageAlt":"","cardPlayer":"","cardPlayerWidth":0,"cardPlayerHeight":0,"cardPlayerStream":"","cardPlayerCodec":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[26,12,13,18],"tags":[15],"class_list":["post-239","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-americas","category-humour","category-satire","category-usa","tag-satire"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/foxthink.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/239"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/foxthink.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/foxthink.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/foxthink.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/foxthink.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=239"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"http:\/\/foxthink.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/239\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":258,"href":"http:\/\/foxthink.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/239\/revisions\/258"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/foxthink.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/249"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/foxthink.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=239"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/foxthink.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=239"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/foxthink.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=239"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}