TAIPEI, Taiwan – The Peoples Republic of China has been left high and dry after the UN proceeded with the renaming of the South China Sea to the “Formally Under China” Sea, or F U China for short. “F U China” was deliberately selected to send a strong message to Beijing, and was orchestrated by the US to sink China’s implied ownership of the strategic waterway. US Ambassador to the UN said “the sea formally known as the South China Sea is literally in the middle of Southeast Asia, I mean what’s up with that? This misnaming of the Sea is yet another case of China using their influence and corruption at the UN.” When it was pointed out that the South China Sea’s name dates back to at least the 16th century, the ambassador said “see, they’ve been messing with the world before the US and UN was even a thing, this only demonstrates the threat they pose to the free world.”
The US has drawn attention to China aggressively reclaiming atolls and rocky outcrops across the South China Sea for years, however China insists the military build up on these artificial islands is purely for peaceful civilian purposes.
As usual China let loose a torrent of empty threats in response to the renaming of the South China Sea, accusing the US of dirty politics “once again the United States is meddling in internal Chinese affairs; all we ask is that the US don’t interfere as we continue to extort these puny ASEAN nations on a country-by-country basis. To ASEAN nations we ask that they stop running to the US every time we reclaim one of their islands as our own, I mean what a bunch of crybabies! We have irrefutable sovereignty over the entire South China Sea, and quite frankly, it’s not like the ASEAN countries were using those atolls anyway!”
In a break from their submissive stance, ASEAN countries have finally grown a spine and formed the newly created Pan-Indopacific Strategic Sea Organisation For Facing China, which will be colloquially known as the PISSOFF China Alliance. A spokesperson for the PISSOFF China Alliance has said they’re prepared to take whatever action is necessary to remove Chinese illegal occupation from the strategic waterway.
The Chinese Eastern Theatre commander, General Xi Yuan Hell, responded that “China will aggressively continue our unprecedented expansionist military build up of offensive weaponry in the South China Sea, as we pursue a strategy of maintaining peace and stability in the region.”
Our emails requested comment from the Chinese Foreign Ministry, which we entitled “F U China”, received no response.
