Miami – In the hearings today, President Donald Trump had his case dismissed after he identified as “innocent”.
Mr Trumps surprising embrace of identity politics surprised the judge, who as a strong Democrat had no choice but to affirm Mr Trump in his self-identification.
Legal scholars were left scrambling to find precedent for such a self-affirmation defense, but none could be found in the annals of legal history. The prosecution seemed caught off guard by the unorthodox strategy.
The courtroom, initially hushed by the unexpected revelation, erupted into chaos as supporters and critics alike grappled with the implications of Trump’s bold move. Social media exploded with memes and hashtags, with #NotGuiltyByIdentification trending worldwide.
Unsurprisingly, Trump’s legal team quickly embraced the tactic, releasing a statement that read, “President Trump has exercised his right to self-identify as not guilty, a privilege granted to all Americans under the Constitution. We believe this revolutionary approach will redefine the legal landscape for years to come.”
Legal analysts, however, expressed skepticism about the durability of such a defense strategy. “While it’s certainly creative, I’m not convinced that identifying as not guilty holds up in the eyes of the law,” remarked one legal expert. “But hey, it’s 2023 – stranger things have happened.”
The prosecution, initially taken aback by Trump’s audacity, attempted to argue against the validity of self-identification as a defense. However, they were met with a barrage of tweets from the former president, each one defiantly asserting his innocence.
In the end, the court reluctantly accepted Trump’s self-identification as not guilty, leading to a historic acquittal. Legal scholars predict that this case will set a precedent for future trials, where defendants may choose to identify their way out of legal trouble.
As the news broke, Trump addressed the nation with a triumphant tweet: “Just made history, folks! #NotGuiltyByIdentification – the best defense. Nobody does it better than me. The courts love me!”
Only time will tell if other public figures will adopt this avant-garde legal strategy, but for now, the halls of justice echo with the resounding declaration: “I identify as not guilty.”
It is understood that Mr Trump intends on identifying as the winner of 2024 elections, almost certainly ensuring he gets a second term in office.
