Melbourne, Australia – Tired of the escalating demonstrations on the streets of Melbourne, where anti-vaccination and anti-lockdown protestors from the construction industry have continuously outsmarted the states dimwitted and generally overweight police, the Victorian state government has requested the Galactic Empire to deploy Storm Troopers onto the streets of the state capital.
The chief of police explained “we were tired of the police being outsmarted by the construction workers, it’s really not fair as the construction industry is able to pay significantly better than the police force, meaning we are really scraping the bottom of the barrel when it comes to police recruits. Even worse, as a result of years of equity quotas, most of our police are either short, weak or overweight. If the government hadn’t armed the police force with a range of lethal and nearly-lethal weapons, we’d be completely screwed.”
The Victorian government has said that heavy storm troopers with their blasters should be significantly more effective than the rubber bullets and pepper spray that has been unleashed on protestors to date.
“Blasters offer us the benefits of conventional guns and rubber bullets, we will importantly be able to shoot protestors dead, while ensuring there is no blood, which makes clean-up easy.”
