Hawaii, USA – Scientists today warned that the whole world will be under water in just five years if we don’t stop driving gas guzzling cars and rush out and buy a Tesla immediately. A spokesperson for the Independent Data-analysts Informing Officials of The Science Alliance, or IDIOTS Alliance for short, explained the research:
“We simply took the current trajectory of sea level rise between low and high tide, and extrapolated the data from there. The results were shocking, we calculated that even the highest mountain in the world, Mount Everest, will be under water in just 5 years if we don’t stop climate change today. If you’d like to know more, we recommend watching the 1990’s film ‘Waterworld’, it aligns very closely with our scientific conclusions.”
The IDIOTS Alliance is a well respected scientific analysis and advocacy group that lobbies politicians for climate action. As of 2021, the IDIOTS have been advising the Biden administration on environmental policy.
In a poll conducted by CNN, their remaining five viewers unanimously agreed that climate change is real, and is very likely Trump’s fault. Based on this poll of well-informed CNN viewers, which we’re assured is not an oxymoron, it is clear that despite not yet being peer-reviewed, the conclusions of the IDIOTS are indisputable.
Facebook, Google and Twitter have released statements supporting the conclusions of the IDIOTS research and have updated their community guidelines to disallow any posts on their respective social media platforms which are contrary to the findings. A spokesperson for the companies said “we’re doing everything we can to protect the public from misinformation, ensuring they are only exposed to the science that aligns with our political ideology, no matter how suspect that science may be. We need to avoid the temptation people may have to think for themselves, thus we will be actively blocking any content on our platforms that might encourage people to question our narrative.”
