Wellington, New Zealand. September 22sth, 2021 – New Zealanders were shocked today to learn that their prime minister is a communist. “We never put two and two together, I mean, we knew she was previously the president of the International Union Of Socialist Youth, but I never thought that meant she was an actual communist” claimed one unwitting voter.
Many New Zealanders only became suspicious when it was announced that the ruling party was changing it’s name to the “Communist Party of New Zealand” and asked that New Zealanders refer the Prime Minister as “Supreme Leader”. Shortly after the government abolished parliament and replaced it with the Central Committee Of New Zealand or “CONZ”; the central committee will be responsible for production quotas and distribution of resources in the economy.
“We didn’t pay any attention to the hammer and sickle flag being flown at parliament, but we started to get suspicious once the government began banning colourful clothes and issuing little red book, known as Quotations from the Supreme Leader” claimed a previously wealthy landowner, as they were led away in chains onto a train to be transported to the souther depths of the country for a life of hard labour.
Chaos ensued when party cadres attempted to seize the means of production, only to find out there were none. “After years of outsourcing manufacturing to Asia, we’ve discovered we have the economic complexity lower than that of a small African tribe” complained a member of the Politburo.
“The Central Committee is now looking to options including bidding for low-cost low-skill manufacturing from developing countries. We’re looking into opportunists including basket making, peanut shelling and e-waste recovery. With everyone starving due to the implosion of the agricultural sector as a result of imprisoning wealthy land owners, New Zealanders are starving and desperate, they’re willing to do just about anything to feed their facilities. Isn’t communism great comrades?!”
The Prime Minister, now the Supreme Leader, has adopted the communist slogan “from each according to his ability, to each according to his needs”. The Supreme Leader explained “this means that those who have the ability to do hard manual labour should do it, and those who appreciate the finer things in life, such as members of the central committee, must be provided exclusively with these luxuries that the working class wouldn’t appreciate”.
North Korea and Venezuela has welcomed the news that New Zealand is turning into the worlds new basket-case. Kim Jong-un has expressed his delight, “I’m delighted that we are no longer the laughing stock of the world, and quite frankly a more advance economy that New Zealand – we have rockets and nukes, all they have are fields of sheep and an anti-nuclear policy!”
