Melbourne, VIC — In a decision that has sent ripples through urban planning circles and left motorists scratching their heads, the City of Melbourne has officially scrapped the infamous hook turn in favor of an audacious new driving method: the “three lefts” turn.
Mayor Liza Cabbage unveiled the plan on Wednesday, touting it as “the next logical step in Melbourne’s already labyrinthine driving experience.” She remarked, “Why endure one bewildering right turn when you could simply make three lefts? We’re all about giving drivers more choices.”
Welcome to Melbourne’s New Driving Era
From now on, Melburnians will be required to perform a trio of left turns at intersections to achieve what was once a straightforward right turn. The reaction has ranged from gleeful amusement to sheer confusion.
Brian “No Hook” Thompson, a self-proclaimed Melbourne driving guru, is thrilled. “It’s like the hook turn but without all that pesky checking over your shoulder or dodging pedestrians. Now I can lazily loop around the block while chatting on the phone. It’s practically a social event!”
Traffic Flow or Chaos in Motion?
Not everyone is impressed. Detractors fear the move will worsen congestion, particularly in Melbourne’s already jam-packed CBD. Traffic expert Samantha Gridlock warned, “This could be a catastrophe waiting to happen. Sure, you’ll make three lefts, but you’ll probably end up right back where you started. It’s like a vehicular merry-go-round with no prize at the end.”
In an attempt to calm public fears, the city has launched a cheerful campaign called “Left Is Right,” complete with catchy tunes and a new mascot: Larry the Left Turn Llama. The initiative promises that “three lefts will always get you where you’re going… eventually.”
A Grand Vision for Melbourne
City officials are positioning the new rule as part of a broader traffic overhaul, which also includes bike lanes, pedestrian zones, and the still-controversial “U-turn roundabout” concept — an idea that has yet to leave the drawing board.
Public transport advocates are cautiously optimistic. “If this leads to fewer people aimlessly circling the CBD in their cars, we’re all for it,” said Janet Tracks, a staunch tram fan.
Resistance on the Horizon
Not everyone is on board. A group of disgruntled motorists has already formed the “Hook Turn Revival League,” demanding the reinstatement of the beloved traffic maneuver. Their rallying cry? “When in doubt, swing it out!”
As Melbourne prepares for this drastic shift, residents are left pondering one crucial question: will they master the art of three lefts, or are they doomed to orbit the same blocks endlessly?
One thing is certain: Melbourne’s traffic landscape will never be the same. And at the very least, comedians across the city are set to have a field day.
Be sure to catch Larry the Left Turn Llama’s city tour — coming soon to a traffic jam near you!
