California, USA. 3rd March 2021 – A prominent film producer, who is lobbying Mattel to allow her relaunch the “Masters of the Universe” franchise’s “He-man” as a romantic comedy, has insisted that “He-Man”, the star character, be played by a non-white, non-male, LGBQTI+, disabled actor. The leading candidate for the role is described by the producer as “a pregnant person-of-colour amputee from a socially-disadvantaged background who identifies as a gay transgender male.”
The producer commented “of course I appreciate that filming an actor while he’s pregnant would put time pressure on production, however I’m confident filming would conclude filming prior to him delivering the baby.”
The title of the film and the franchise is also intended to be made LGBTQI+ and socially acceptable, specifically both “He”, “Man” and “Masters” will be substituted with either “Person” or “Persons”; the film’s title would be changed from “Masters of the Universe: He-Man” to “Persons of the Universe: Persons-person”.
Upon announcing the decision, fans of the Masters of the Universe TV series and film franchise, who are likely in their 40’s and still living in their parents basement, made their outrage known on social media, calling out the film for caving-in to so-called “identity politics”. The would-be producer of the film responded to say “I’m aware of the criticism and am confident that this is merely a noisy minority of sexist, misogynist, racist, disabilist, transphobic, white supremacists, who I’m happy to displease and likely are confronted by their own whiteness and oppression.”
In our opinion “persons-person” is looking like a film that would go straight to video, er, streaming, skipping the box-office entirely – and that’s because of the coronavirus.
