Brussels, August 31st 2020 – The EU has moved to ban the use of ibuprofen for headaches after an ill-informed endorsement by US President Trump. In an interview after the Republican National Convention last week, Trump admitted that the Democrat state governors’ handling of the BLM peaceful riots had given him a headache. When a reporter asked how he intended to handle the situation Trump said “Ibuprofen, a lot of good things have come out about it. I happen to be taking it, you’d be surprised at how many people are taking it, especially the front-line politicians.”
Leading experts have condemned Trump’s statements, citing conclusive research which shows that taking as little as 30 standard ibuprofen tablets can cause fatal liver failure. An unnamed first-year college medical student pointed out that “there is no clinical evidence to suggest any migraine relief what-so-ever in patients who are administered a lethal dose of ibuprofen.”
In response to Trump’s irresponsible comments, the European Union has banned ibuprofen across all 28 member states. The UK, despite it’s transitional deal with the E.U., has refused to follow suit. instead endorsing ibuprofen for all benign and lethal doses. The UK government said in a prepared statement that “look we’re practically out of the EU, so we feel no need to tow the line on yet more overzealous regulation by Brussels. People should be free to take whatever medication they like, so long as public hospitals are not burdened. It is for this reason we’ve announced that people may take ibuprofen in low and lethal doses – so long as patients are moved directly from home to the morgue, scarce hospital beds can be conserved.”
Several Democrat state governors accepted Trump’s offer of troops to assist with maintaining law-and-order in their peaceful-assembly ravaged states. Trump has since confirmed he’s “just finished” taking his treatment of ibuprofen and commented “I’m not sure if it was the acceptance of federal assistance by the Democrat states or the pain killers, but my headache is completely gone, and to the best of my knowledge, here I am”.
