Melbourne, Australia. September 19th, 2021 – After successfully bowling over an elderly woman who was participating in a protest and then pepper spraying her, police have confirmed this will be incorporated into their standard operating procedures for handling protests.
“The Victorian state police are proud to announce that we will be embracing an equal-opportunity approach to policing where we will no longer discriminate against the elderly, weak and the disabled, but instead we will beat them all equally. Nobody will be spared from excessive force and police brutality.”
Critics of of the new policy have pointed out that attacking the elderly and weaker members of the population during protests is un-Australian, however police have fired back at the critics, literally, shooting them dead.
Speaking on condition of anonymity a senior police officer admitted “Over recent years, woke politicians have forced the police to accept a range of short, fat, weak and ‘differently-abled’ officers of various gender identities to fulfil arbitrary political quotas. Unfortunately we have found that these new officers struggle to fight back against actual protestors, thus we’ve asked them to focus on the weaker protestors, such as frail pensioners, as was the case during recently police protest action. Even if an elderly or weak homeless person is in the vicinity of the protest, they’re all fair game.”
