Taiwan (the independent country of) – China finally admitted defeat today and called off its invasion of the island nation of Taiwan after failing to land a single hit. The Chinese military have admitted that he invasion attempt was short-sighted and will recalibrate their precision missiles, hopeful they might land a lucky hit next time the Chinese Communist Party needs to create theatre for their domestic audience a high-profile Western politician visits the tiny non-province-of-China island nation.
An anonymous source within the Chinese military placed the blame squarely on US, “our missiles are direct copies of American designs, the problem isn’t our copying, it’s that American technology isn’t as capable as they pretended it is. If the missiles aren’t hitting their target, they’re going to have to do better, so we can copy those improvements as well. As you can see, it’s not us who failed, but the imperialist forces of those American capitalists!”
Adding to the embarrassment, the Chinese Navy fared no better, not a single ship managing to find their way across the 100 mile straight that separates the Chinese mainland from the totally-not-a-province Taiwan. A navy spokesman confirmed they were unsuccessful in reaching Taiwan, but were sure the island nation was out there somewhere, and would continue looking.
Like the little-engine-that-could, we’re sure the Chinese military will get there eventually if they keep trying.
