Canberra, Australia – The Australian imperial government has today announced that they will revise the citizenship pledge and national flag to better reflect the countries somewhat less liberal and less democratic values. The updated flag and citizenship pledge is proposed as follows: New Citizenship Pledge From this time forward, under the Supreme Leader,I pledge my…
Wellington, New Zealand. September 22sth, 2021 – New Zealanders were shocked today to learn that their prime minister is a communist. “We never put two and two together, I mean, we knew she was previously the president of the International Union Of Socialist Youth, but I never thought that meant she was an actual communist”…
Melbourne, Australia. September 19th, 2021 – After successfully bowling over an elderly woman who was participating in a protest and then pepper spraying her, police have confirmed this will be incorporated into their standard operating procedures for handling protests. “The Victorian state police are proud to announce that we will be embracing an equal-opportunity approach…
Canberra, Australia. September 16th, 2021 – New Zealand was disappointed today to find out they’ve been left out of the newly forged Australia, UK, US, or “AUKUS” security pact. Sources involved in the new pact pointed out that the problem was rooted in New Zealand lacking an actual real military, making it rather difficult to…
Sydney, Australia – The Taliban has called on the Australian government to respect the democratic rights of Australians, nearly all of whom are perpetually confined to their homes under COVID home-detention edicts. Zabiullah Mujahid, the spokesman of the Afghan government, said “the Australian government has removed virtually all rights of Australians, we hereby call on…
Christmas Island, Australia. September 3rd, 2021 – The Australian Government today announced that Australians who refused to be vaccinated will be relocated to labour camps “for their own safety”. The labour camps will be set up on Christmas Island, an Australian territory approximately 1500km (1000 miles) northwest of the mainland, at the site of the…
Auckland, New Zealand. September 3rd, 2021 – The New Zealand government has expressed their gratitude to ISIS for a significant jump in the polls as a result of the terrorist attack in Auckland today. A government spokesman said “Allah be praised! We were really tanking in the polls, almost as bad as US President Biden,…
Sydney, Australia. August 19th 2021 – Sydney airport has been overrun with Australians and foreign nationals alike, desperate to escape the clutches of the Australian military as they take control of the city under the guise of COVID health mandates. Experts had expected a full authoritarian takeover of Australia’s largest city would take three months,…
Sydney Cove, Australia. August 12th 2021 – Australia, closed to tourism and with falling iron ore prices, has taken the bold step to return to it’s roots as a penal colony. For those unaware, in 1788 Australia was established as a penal colony, where English sent prisoners for outlandish crimes such as stealing a loaf…
Sydney, Australia – The Australian government, faced with the threat of unapproved speech, radical notions of freedom of expression and calls for democracy, will deploy the Army on to the streets of Sydney. The federal government has said they are “saddened that the military’s annual inclusivity rainbow finger-painting exercises had to be brought to a…
