Canberra, Australia – July 2nd 2021. The Australian federal government has launched it’s “no-jab, no-vote” initiative today, ensuring the safety of COVID19 vaccinated Australian voters from the unvaccinated. The no-jab no-vote initiative is modelled on the government’s successful no-jab, no-pay policy which withholds government assistance from parents who refuse to immunise their children. “I think…
Texas, USA. May 10th 2021 – The world’s rich and powerful have confirmed that it is obviously the rest of us and not them who must reduce carbon emissions to save the planet. Hot on the heels of another successful jaunt into space, one excessively rich billionaire explained “we the 1% of wealthiest people in…
Ontario, Canada. April 1st 2021 – The government today announced the launch of the new education program, which will require all children from the age of 4 to attend boarding schools until their 18th birthday, far away form the dangers of parental bias. The new program will be known as Child Freedom through Advanced Research…
Ulaanbaatar, Mongolia. December 15th, 2020 – The landlocked country of Mongolia has signed a deal with the United States to acquire six Ohio-class nuclear submarines. In a strategic move that is either a stroke of genius or sign that military planners have indeed suffered from a stroke, Mongolia intends on deploying the submarines on the…
NEW YORK – Cutting edge research has shown that placing a plastic bag over your head is significantly more effective in reducing the spread of COVID-19 than medical grade face masks. While anecdotal evidence indicates the plastic bags have been linked to asphyxiation and ultimately death, researchers noted “we remain very confident that no one…
China’s South China Sea claim found to be wine stain BEIJING, China, September 7th 2020 – The origins of China’s claims over the South China Sea have been found to be based on a wine stained map. A historian has confirmed that the original map on which China’s South China Sea claims are justified, was…
BOSTON, Massachusetts – The pharmaceutical company behind the first US-based COVID-19 vaccine have rushed to assure the public that “deaths resulting from immunisation should be of an acceptable level”. The vaccine is known as Vaccine for Immunisation of COVID Targetting Improved Mortality, or “VICTIM” for short, has been rushed out of the lab so fast…
Beijing, China – Just when you thought that the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) ridiculous claims of sovereignty over far away places couldn’t get any more absurd, they’ve set their sights much higher, quite literally. As part of new posturing, apparently intended to distract China’s population amidst flooding, famine and and an economy in decline, the…
SAN FRANCISCO, California – Tech start-up and maker of artificial hearts “beats-for-keeps”, is threatening to terminate service to customers after a switch to a pay-per-beat model. The price increase will see the monthly cost to customers rise from approximately $300 to as much as $3000 per month, leaving many claiming the companies is heartless. A…
PHOENIX, Arizona, September 4th 2020 – Photos of Russian President Vladimir Putin hiding in a ballot box while wearing a MAGA cap at the 2016 US presidential elections have been leaked online, providing further evidence of Russian interference in US elections. A spokesperson said “we knew there was Russian inside interference, but didn’t expect they…
