California, USA – The fossil fuel industry lobby and electrical utilities across the nation have raised the alarm over the dangers of solar power, after it was found that solar panels are reducing the available light by literally sucking up the sun’s rays. In a survey of scientists from the fossil fuel industry, 99.9% agreed…
Major airlines have announced today that the vaccination rate of their workforce has increased from 60% to 100% overnight, after all those refusing the vaccine were “let go”. An airline executive explained the miracle increase in vaccination rates, “we used to have 100,000 employees of which only 60,000 where vaccinated. However as we’ve now fired…
Pharmaceutical companies are pleading wit the public to do their bit for the pandemic by stopping the use of contraception and instead opt for abortions. We spoke to a representative from one of the largest vaccine manufacturers, “we rely on a steady supply of aborted fetuses to keep up with unprecedented demand for vaccines around…
California, USA – The “Discard Embryos Abortion Termination Hospitals of America Foundation”, also known as the “DEATH of America Foundation”, or simply DEATH, have said effective immediately all patients must be vaccinated before undergoing “treatment” to terminate their unborn definitely-not-a-person-yet non-baby. A spokesperson for DEATH of America said “Vaccination isn’t a question of choice, it’s…
Melbourne, Australia – In a shock announcement today, police have concluded that after a week long investigation into themselves that they’ve never done anything wrong, ever. Although the focus of the inquiry was on police violence during recent Melbourne protests, the inquiry cleared the police of all wrong from the beginning of time and into…
Beginning next month, public swimming pools will require proof that a woman isn’t having her period before permitting entry. Proponents of the new health requirements said this was being done for protection of public health.“Why should we let a selfish few endanger public health simply because they refuse to disclose their menstrual cycle? In all…
Wellington, New Zealand – The New Zealand government is asking everyone to take selfie while they are being vaccinated as their “proof-of-vaccination”. A Ministry of Health spokesman commented “We thought about creating our own app, but by the time the bureaucracy actually managed to create an app, the pandemic would have been over. We estimated…
Capitol Hill, Washington – Fauci descended the steps of Capitol Hill today, bringing forth a tablet of stone, enshrined with a new commandment from God himself. Fauci announced the new commandment to the waiting masses: “God cares so much for humanity that he has blessed us with a new commandment, ‘thou shalt be vaccinated’ “…
Xinjiang, China – A lack of microchips are not the only shortage facing foreign electronics manufacturers, as fears rise that China is running out of Uyghur Muslim slave labour. After years of enslaving the population of China’s Muslim province Xinjiang into labour camps, combined with forced sterilisation of Uyghur Muslim women, China now faces a…
Auckland, New Zealand – The mild-mannered New Zealand Police have been criticised by their Aussie counterparts for the lack of violence dished out on New Zealanders protesting lock-downs recently, calling on the New Zealand authorities to ruthlessly suppress any who dare to attempt peaceful assembly in the future. “The New Zealand police are making Australia…
