The government has announced that unemployment benefits will be increased by generous $1.50 a week from January 1st, a change that we’re assured will lift of children millions out of poverty. A senior government official explained, “parents across the nation will be relieved to know that their elected officials not only give billions of dollars…
Kansas, USA – Vice President Kamala Harris is to take on the role of the Wicked Witch of the West in the upcoming remake of “The Wizard of Oz” movie. The Producer was ecstatic, “we searched the nation auditioning to find an actor with the best witchy cackle in the country to play the part…
New York, USA – America’s poor and middle class are celebrating skyrocketing prices, after having suffering through decades of “stubbornly low” inflation. With inflation on the rise, those of us who are not part of the wealthiest 1% of society can look forward to consumer prices keeping up with or even exceeding the increases seen…
California, USA – The fossil fuel industry lobby and electrical utilities across the nation have raised the alarm over the dangers of solar power, after it was found that solar panels are reducing the available light by literally sucking up the sun’s rays. In a survey of scientists from the fossil fuel industry, 99.9% agreed…
Xinjiang, China – A lack of microchips are not the only shortage facing foreign electronics manufacturers, as fears rise that China is running out of Uyghur Muslim slave labour. After years of enslaving the population of China’s Muslim province Xinjiang into labour camps, combined with forced sterilisation of Uyghur Muslim women, China now faces a…
The government has today updated the definition of “poverty” to be anyone with a household income of less than one-dollar a day, resulting in the nearly everyone who was poor being pull out of poverty and into the middle-class with a stroke of a pen. Government officials explained the basis for their decision “if one…
Citizens of the world appeared from their dimly lit basements today, after Facebook suffered an outage to services, leaving everyone confused and completely severed from the ability to interact with their “friends”. The army of grossly overweight, pasty-white sloth-like people, having never experienced direct sunlight, had to divert their eyes as they emerged into the…
Beijing, China – Chinese authorities have denied that the country is experiencing widespread power outages, instead claiming that there is no problem, they just can’t find the light switch. “Somebody turned off the lights in our most populous cities, it’s just we’re having trouble finding the light switch in the dark” said one official, although…
Beijing China – China state media is reporting that the nation’s all-round nice guy “Chairman of everything”, Xi Jinping, will be taking time off from genocide, subjugation and the seizing of territory from neighbouring nations, to star as “Pooh” in the upcoming Winnie the Pooh movie. Such a move has come as a surprise to…
Devonport, New Zealand – After decades of planning by the most brilliant minds that the New Zealand Armed Forces can muster, the Navy has committed to replacing the country’s two Anzac class vessels with ten heavily armed frigates. The Minister of Defence explained “with the same money, we could have afforded one conventional frigate from…
