Devonport, New Zealand – The New Zealand Navy apologised today after realising that it’s offensive weapons capability was, well, offensive. Rear Admiral of the Navy, Harry Bottom, released a statement apologising for the Navy’s past offences: “In light of my desire to ensure renewal as head of the Navy by the minister of defence, the…
Berlin, Germany – July 15th, 2021. To address concerns by sophisticated urbanites that the unvaccinated, who everyone knows are mostly uneducated rural peasants that lack the basic elements of humanity, a new “National Harmony” or Nuremberg bill has been introduced into the German parliament, the Bundestag. This new legislation will require that all adults who…
Canberra, Australia – July 2nd 2021. The Australian federal government has launched it’s “no-jab, no-vote” initiative today, ensuring the safety of COVID19 vaccinated Australian voters from the unvaccinated. The no-jab no-vote initiative is modelled on the government’s successful no-jab, no-pay policy which withholds government assistance from parents who refuse to immunise their children. “I think…
Texas, USA. May 10th 2021 – The world’s rich and powerful have confirmed that it is obviously the rest of us and not them who must reduce carbon emissions to save the planet. Hot on the heels of another successful jaunt into space, one excessively rich billionaire explained “we the 1% of wealthiest people in…
Ontario, Canada. April 1st 2021 – The government today announced the launch of the new education program, which will require all children from the age of 4 to attend boarding schools until their 18th birthday, far away form the dangers of parental bias. The new program will be known as Child Freedom through Advanced Research…
California, USA. 3rd March 2021 – A prominent film producer, who is lobbying Mattel to allow her relaunch the “Masters of the Universe” franchise’s “He-man” as a romantic comedy, has insisted that “He-Man”, the star character, be played by a non-white, non-male, LGBQTI+, disabled actor. The leading candidate for the role is described by the…
Ulaanbaatar, Mongolia. December 15th, 2020 – The landlocked country of Mongolia has signed a deal with the United States to acquire six Ohio-class nuclear submarines. In a strategic move that is either a stroke of genius or sign that military planners have indeed suffered from a stroke, Mongolia intends on deploying the submarines on the…
WASHINGTON DC, September 24th 2020 – President Trump died suddenly while watching seven hours of TV today, throwing the country into even more turmoil than normal. Shortly before his passing, President Trump tweeted “MY MOST FERVENT WISH IS THAT THE NEXT PRESIDENT-ELECT BE A REPUBLICAN”, however Twitter blocked his tweet for violating their terms of…
NEW YORK – Cutting edge research has shown that placing a plastic bag over your head is significantly more effective in reducing the spread of COVID-19 than medical grade face masks. While anecdotal evidence indicates the plastic bags have been linked to asphyxiation and ultimately death, researchers noted “we remain very confident that no one…
It is a period of civil war. Far leftists supporters of Democrat Presidential Nominee Biden, striking from woke urban city centers, have won their first victory against the evil Trump Administration. During the peaceful riots, Antifa spies managed to steal evidence of Trump’s Russian collusion. Pursued by Trump’s sinister Department of Homeland Security agents, Biden…
