Kabul, Afghanistan. August 28th 2020 – President Biden announced today that the US Air Force will fly sorties to provide air cover for ISIS, the Taliban and Afghan Army against ISIS, the Taliban and Afghan Army. The President confirmed to the press “We all know that the enemy of my enemy is my friend, so…
Washington D.C., USA. August 21st, 2021 – The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) have approved a lethal dose of cyanide as a 100% effective for COVID19. Trials of cyanide were undertaken on the January 6th “DC riot” detainees, who are responsible for storming the Capitol, with results published in prestigious medical journal “The Gulag”. Someone…
Kabul, Afghanistan. August 14th 2021 – The Taliban’s advance has come to a grinding halt at the gates of Kabul amid rumours of shortages of virgins for their fighters. For two decades, since the USA and allies entered Afghanistan, the Taliban has promised their fighters a generous benefits package in lieu of an actual salary….
Hawaii, USA – Scientists today warned that the whole world will be under water in just five years if we don’t stop driving gas guzzling cars and rush out and buy a Tesla immediately. A spokesperson for the Independent Data-analysts Informing Officials of The Science Alliance, or IDIOTS Alliance for short, explained the research: “We…
Singapore. August 6th 2020 – If you’ve managed to hang on to more than one real-life friend over the course of the 2020 and 2021 COVID19 restrictions and live in Singapore, you’re going to have to get vaccinated. The Singaporean government, a shining beacon of democracy in South East Asia, is politely mandating that you…
Sydney, Australia – The Australian government, faced with the threat of unapproved speech, radical notions of freedom of expression and calls for democracy, will deploy the Army on to the streets of Sydney. The federal government has said they are “saddened that the military’s annual inclusivity rainbow finger-painting exercises had to be brought to a…
Devonport, New Zealand – The New Zealand Navy apologised today after realising that it’s offensive weapons capability was, well, offensive. Rear Admiral of the Navy, Harry Bottom, released a statement apologising for the Navy’s past offences: “In light of my desire to ensure renewal as head of the Navy by the minister of defence, the…
Texas, USA. May 10th 2021 – The world’s rich and powerful have confirmed that it is obviously the rest of us and not them who must reduce carbon emissions to save the planet. Hot on the heels of another successful jaunt into space, one excessively rich billionaire explained “we the 1% of wealthiest people in…
Ontario, Canada. April 1st 2021 – The government today announced the launch of the new education program, which will require all children from the age of 4 to attend boarding schools until their 18th birthday, far away form the dangers of parental bias. The new program will be known as Child Freedom through Advanced Research…
California, USA. 3rd March 2021 – A prominent film producer, who is lobbying Mattel to allow her relaunch the “Masters of the Universe” franchise’s “He-man” as a romantic comedy, has insisted that “He-Man”, the star character, be played by a non-white, non-male, LGBQTI+, disabled actor. The leading candidate for the role is described by the…
