Sydney Cove, Australia. August 12th 2021 – Australia, closed to tourism and with falling iron ore prices, has taken the bold step to return to it’s roots as a penal colony. For those unaware, in 1788 Australia was established as a penal colony, where English sent prisoners for outlandish crimes such as stealing a loaf of bread to feed their family.
The Australian Prime Minister explain, “with most Australians locked down in one way or another since early 2020 and strict exit bans preventing anyone with a pulse from leaving the country, we’ve already become an island prison. The next logical step is for us to start accepting prisoners from abroad, something we will of course charge for in order to fill the massive hole that the pandemic has left in the governments budget.”
When asked about the social impact of allowing convicts into the country, the Prime Minister quipped โwe’re a nation of convicts, the new ones should fit right in with the rest of us, and besides, Australians have had quite enough of those brainiac successful Asian migrants making us all look bad, what we need are some Americans! With all the identify politics being taught in US schools, they should make even Australians feel smart.”
Prisoners arriving will be put to work at fast food outlets and other lousy jobs, filling the job vacancies that Australians, comfortable on their fat unemployment benefits, don’t want to take.
The Biden administration won’t be sending anyone to Australia who came to the US illegally, as they’ve already been sent deep into US to support the Democrats in the 2022 midterm elections. Instead US officials will be rounding up all the vaccine holdouts and political dissidents, who let’s face it, are probably Republican or libertarian, and placing them on cargo ships bound for Australia.
A spokesperson for the US Department of Homeland security remarked, “this is a win-win-win for everyone, we get to remove those who oppose the current administration, the cargo ships which bring container loads of cheap trinkets from China to the US finally have some cargo for the return trip, albeit human cargo, and Australia will get paid handsomely for accepting our prisoners and showing their strong support for an old ally.”
