In a plot twist that even the best satirists couldn’t cook up, African nations are throwing their hats into the reparations ring, demanding billions in compensation for the British blockade that ended the Atlantic slave trade.
Representatives from the African Union argue that the blockade, which forced the end of the transatlantic slave trade by preventing the export of slaves, robbed African economies of a valuable source of revenue. “As much as 70% of revenue of African tribes was derived from the sale of African slaves to European slave traders, thus the UK’s unlawful blockage of our ports and seizing of slave ships was a massive blow the African economy, with affects still felt today”.
The demand for compensation has set off a global debate, with many wondering if the irony here could power a African small city. Critics are scratching their heads, wondering if they missed a page in the history books where getting paid for stopping an inhumane practice became a thing.
In a twist that would make Shakespeare proud, supporters of the claim argue that it’s time to confront the economic elephant in the room. “Sure, it’s easy to condemn the whole slavery thing, but let’s not forget our ancestors were counting on those slave trade profits to further expand the slave trade, and thus their economies.”
As the world collectively tries to keep a straight face, experts from various fields are weighing in, with some suggesting that maybe we’ve entered an alternate universe where compensation for halting atrocities is the new normal. Others, however, are warning against turning history into a stand-up routine, lest we forget the gravity of the past.
The British Prime Minister gave his perspective, “It looks like the UK is now on the hook for reparations to both the descendants of slaves, as well as the descendants of slavers. As the saying goes, not good deed goes unpunished, with many suggesting that we would have done well to save ourselves the substantial cost incurred policing the oceans in the 19th century, and instead let the slave trade continue on into the 20th century, and possibly to present day! By 21st century logic, this would have been the equitable thing to do.”
While the jury’s still out on whether those on the reparations gravy-train will reconcile this strange twist into their moral narrative, one thing is for sure: this unexpected turn of events in the reparations saga is sure to take us all on a comedic joyride, as the progressives and neo-liberals try to patronise us all by explaining how slavery was wrong, but so too was ending it.
If nothing else, this is certainly the UK’s “damned if you do, but damned if you don’t” moment.
