The government has announced that unemployment benefits will be increased by generous $1.50 a week from January 1st, a change that we’re assured will lift of children millions out of poverty.
A senior government official explained, “parents across the nation will be relieved to know that their elected officials not only give billions of dollars to wealthy hedge funds and banks, but we also think of the little guy, and are sharing the wealth, a buck fifty at a time.
“Our modelling shows that millions of children who were below the poverty line will be either sitting comfortably on that line, or levitating just above it, all as a result of our generous benefits increase.”
It is expected that some some irresponsible parents to splurge on unnecessary items like cigarettes and beer, but as heavy donors of both major political parties, we understand the government is fine with that.
It is expected that struggling families across the nation will be overwhelmed with the possibilities that this sudden surge in personal income and the wealth will bring to their families.
“$1.50 a week is $78 a year, which could buy Tiny Tim a new set of Adidas clothes, Nike Shoes or a Netflix subscription, we encourage families spend this money with one of the government’s many generous corporate donors.
“We like to think that we’re bridging the gap between rich and poor, the 1% and the 99%, $1.50 at a time”
It’s understood the governments next initiative will focus on other needy groups such as banks and hedge funds, in order bring continued prosperity society, especially their burgeoning personal stock portfolios.
